We’re all busy.
We’ve all taken on too much.
So saying yes to less is the only way out.
When we give a “yes” when there should be a “no”, we give away a little piece of ourselves.
"The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” -Warren Buffett
Don’t be like the wave on the ocean getting tossed around.
Stand firm.
Trust me, you need to say NO more often.
Before I'll teach you how to do it, I want to share a story about a donkey that dates back to the 14th century.
It's bloody brilliant.
So brilliant that it inspired me to write an entire damn article about it.
But first, let's start with my wife.
Yesterday I asked her, “What do you want to have for lunch, rice or pasta?”
Caught between a rock and a hard place, she had a hard time answering it.
Not that I am a great cook, but in her head, rice and pasta had equal weightage and she was unable to choose one over the other.
My wife, you see, when facing a choice, she will sit under a tree with a decision for years.
She's that kind of person.
Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the idea.
And me?
Well, I'd like to think of myself as a gunslinger.
I take decisions so fast you can blink and you won't see my choice.
I'm damn fast.
Which is exactly what I want to happen.
I want the choosing to go down immediately - bang!
Now, back to the donkey.
This isn't a particularly special donkey.
The funny thing about this story is the situation in which the donkey finds itself.
Donkeys are known to be stubborn, set in their ways and lazy.
Now, picture the donkey standing halfway between a pile of hay and a bucket of water.
He keeps looking left and right, trying to decide between hay and water.
Hay?
Water?
Hay?
Water?
So there he stands, motionless, paralyzed, afraid to take a risk and unable to make a decision.
The minutes turn to hours and the hours turn to days.
After several days the exhausted donkey falls over and dies of hunger and thirst.
How absurd, right?
Well, as absurd as it might seem, surely you know someone who is a bit like this donkey.
You yourself may have even taken on the donkey’s mentality at some point.
Yes, the donkey died.
But you don't have to.
That is, if you can think long-term rather than short-term.
Derek Sivers is typing now:
I meet a lot of 30-year-olds that are trying to pursue many different directions at once, but not making progress in any. They get frustrated that the world wants them to pick one thing because they want to do them all, and they are like “but I want to do this AND that AND this AND that, why do I have to choose? I don’t know what to choose." But the problem is if you’re thinking short-term then you’re acting as if you don’t do them all this week that they won’t happen. But I think the solution is to think long-term, to realize that you can do one of these things for a few years and then do another one for a few years and then another.
The point is a donkey can’t think of the future. If he did he’d clearly realize that he could just go first drink the water and then go eat the hay. So my advice to my 30-year-old self is don’t be a donkey. You can do everything you want to do, you just need foresight and patience. Say, you're 30 years old now and say you have five different things you want to pursue. Well then, you can do each one of those for 10 years, and you have them all done by the time you’re 80. You’re probably going to live to be 80. It sounds ridiculous to plan to the age of 80 when you’re 30, right? But it’s a fact that’s probably coming, so you might as well take advantage of it. Think long-term. Use the future. That way you can fully focus on one direction at the time without feeling conflicted or distracted.
I admit, there is beauty in simplicity.
The choices I've made, whether saying "yes" or "no" are at the heart of my career.
It's not just the work, but DECIDING to do the work that is crucial.
Which....drumroll...leads to me the super-easy approach called 'Hell YEAH or NO'.
This mantra of Derek's has become one of my favorite rules of thumb.
I love it, but as a gunslinger, I might be a little bit biased.
"It was time to book the ticket and I was thinking: Ugh. I don't really want to go to Australia right now. I was on the phone with my friend Amber Rubarth, who is a brilliant musician, kind of lamenting about this and she’s the one that pointed out: “It sounds like, from where you are, your decision is not between yes and no. You need to figure out whether you’re feeling like 'Fuck yeah' or 'No'. Because most of us say yes to too much stuff, and then, we let these, little mediocre things fill our lives.” -Tim Ferris, Tools of Titans
The idea is if you’re feeling anything less than “hell yeah I'd love to do that" then just say no.
When you say no to most things, you leave room in your life to focus on those rare things that make you say “HELL YEAH!”
When you are good, people want more of you, I know.
They ask you for this or that.
Still, don't be a yes-man.
It is worth remembering Seth Godin here and his advice on when to say “no”.
Seth is typing now:
If you're not proud of it, don't serve it.
If you can't do a good job, don't take it on.
If it's going to distract you from the work that truly matters, pass.
If you don't know why they want you to do this, ask.
If you need to hide it from your mom, reconsider.
If it benefits you but not the people you care about, decline.
If you're going along with the crowd, that's not enough.
If it creates a habit that costs you in the long run, don't start.
If it doesn't move you forward, hesitate then walk away.
I've already saved you a lot of time when I taught you how to say NO to an unnecessary meeting without losing face here.
I’ve got one more cool hack for you.
If it’s REALLY difficult for you to say no in the heat of the moment, one thing that I find really helpful is to write 3 paragraphs that are thoughtful and generous about why you’re saying no.
Copy it.
Put it into TextExpander.com under the '&No' keyboard shortcut.
Anytime someone asks you to do something you don't feel like “hell yeah I'd love to do that" just hit '&No' and all three paragraphs will go to that person.
It'll take you no effort whatsoever.
The person will end up feeling OK with your decision.
You'll end up feeling free.
And you can get back to do the work that matters to your tribe.
Anyway, that’s my rant.
I hope it resonates.
Until next time.
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