We tend to value speaking over listening.
We admire those who can clearly express what they're thinking the moment it crosses their minds.
We adore famous speakers.
But in a world where everyone's talking, it pays to learn the art of listening.
We tend to think that being a good listener means being a sponge that absorbs as much information as possible.
Daniel Coyle in The Culture Code suggests that’s not really the best analogy.
Daniel is typing now:
The most effective listeners behave like trampolines.
They aren’t passive sponges.
They are active responders, absorbing what the other person gives, supporting them, and adding energy to help the conversation gain velocity and altitude.
Also like trampolines, effective listeners gain amplitude through repetition.
When asking questions, they rarely stop at the first response.
Rather, they find different ways to explore an area of tension, in order to reveal the truths and connections that will enable cooperation.
“I’ve found that whenever you ask a question, the first response you get is usually not the answer—it’s just the first response,” Roshi Givechi says.
“So I try to find ways to slowly surface things, to bring out what ought to be shared so that people can build from it.
You have to find a lot of ways to ask the same question and approach the same question from a lot of different angles.
Then you have to build questions from that response, to explore more.”
A good listener is someone you can bounce ideas off of.
Rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, she gives your ideas height, acceleration, energy and amplification.
She interacts and asks questions that challenge your assumptions and help you to see the issue in a new light.
She adds a new perspective to the conversation.
She makes you feel safe and supported.
Be that kind of listener.
Be the trampoline.
Enjoy the jump.
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